Rainy Days and Sundays

I think I may have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I've been kinda blue lately and I'd like to blame the weather for my mood. It could be the rainy weather, or it could be the crazy hours that I've been working lately. I don't think I've had a really relaxing weekend (meaning one where I don't have to go into work for at least 6 hours) since April. I fell into the trap of "work hard and play hard" the last few weeks. It was fun at first, but then my body just couldn't keep up. I guess that's my excuse for not posting in a while.

The week after I got back from Philly I was sick as a dog, but managed to stay at the office for about 80 hours during the week (I even pulled an all nighter after getting back from Philly). The weekend after Philly, I went back to Pittsburgh for Mother's Day (and toted many heavy documents which I actually reviewed) and partied it up with my younger brothers. I guess I partied a little too hard because I lost my voice that weekend and didn't get it back for an entire week. Nothing quite like answering your phone at the office and people hanging up on you because they think they've called a chat line. Hmmm... maybe that's why my client was so eager to chat with me last week .

The following weekend, I was at work until 11:00 pm on Saturday (after spending 5 hours in a car in transport for a bridal shower in Connecticut) and then met up with the boyfriend (BF) and his friends (and managed to run into some old friends as well) at a bar in Tribeca. We drank into the wee hours of the morning and I somehow managed to drag myself into work on Sunday at 11:00 am (which is really early since it takes me about an hour to get to the office when the stupid A train runs local!). I tried to work as efficiently as possible since BF and I were supposed to cook a fancy meal together and pop open the super expensive bottle of wine that we both chipped in for, but this is very hard to do when functioning off barely 5 hours of sleep. I didn't quite finish my work and I wasn't really in the mood to drink some more (since I was still recovering from the previous night's bender) but I didn't want to disappoint BF since I had been putting off this meal for weeks. In the end it was pretty good.

We started with fresh mozzarella, with yellow, red, and orange tomatoes drizzled with fancy schmancy basil infused olive oil. For our main course we made bucattini with san marzano tomatoes and pancetta. For dessert, we paired our pricey wine with three of my favorite cheeses and chocolates from Jacques Torres. I am not a wine connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination. Alcohol is something that I tolerate and don't really enjoy because it usually makes me feel really ill. This, however, was like ambrosia--nectar for the gods. Too bad the gods don't give this stuff away for free. I woke up the next morning hangover free, despite drinking almost half a bottle.

The following week was even crazier. I've been living at the office and the aeron chair that they give us all is no longer comfortable. I have to remember to get up out of it every once in a while--it's a bad sign when the mesh leaves an imprint on your butt and the backs of your thighs. . .through your skirt. I was here last weekend (both Saturday and Sunday) and I hope to God that I don't have to go in this weekend.

Despite pulling all these hours I've managed to see BF (although he says that I've been less than my chipper self lately), watch some movies with college friends and catch up with the law school crowd. I thought that this would be good for me. Instead of providing a distraction from work, however, all of these activities have made me feel as though I'm trying to do way too much on way too little sleep. My work product is suffering and unfortunately, BF has been suffering too. I admit, I've been a bit of the cranky-pants lately. But, can you really blame me? ?

Last Friday night, I decided to combat my SADness by keeping things low key. I went to see Layer Cake (a fantastic flick which I highly recommend) with the law school crowd and headed straight home so that I could spend some quality time with my TV. It's amazing how 4 hours of the Gilmore Girls can pull a gal out of the doldrums. I take great comfort in watching television, and yet again, it didn't let me down. I went to bed at almost 3 am, about the time I'd turn in if I went out on the town. But instead of running around the city in the rain, I was perched on my couch/bed in pajamas eating Joseph Schmidt chocolates and watching Rory and Lorelai on screen. I met up with the BF and the college crew on Saturday morning to watch Star Wars: Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. It was good, but not as engaging as Layer Cake. Still, it was good to see everyone and I have promised myself that I will not wait 6 months until seeing them again.

After the movie and wandering a bit around midtown, the BF and I had a heart to heart at the the Penn Top Bar, which is on the roof of the Peninsula Hotel (btw, their prices are ridiculously expensive--$7 for a coke, $20 for a martini). I thought it went pretty well, but I guess that he didn't think so because we just had another talk last night and this morning. I guess that my stress is manifesting itself in my behavior and he's not used to seeing me like this. We had our first real fight last Thursday and that's why we had to have the talk on Saturday. I am not sure what the end result of all this discussion will be. I sometimes think that BF overanalyzes things. It's kind of funny--most guys don't want to talk about the relationship and BF wants to know what I want out of our relationship. I said "I don't know" and he is dissatisfied with that answer. When I asked him the same thing he said "I don't know." So, my question to him, why is it ok for him not to know but not for me to be unsure? No speedy reply to that one. When pressed again for an answer, I replied "to be happy." I thought that was a good answer and one that couldn't be faulted. But his reply, "Does this mean you are unhappy?" Man, BF can be such a girl sometimes.

To be honest, I haven't been the happiest person lately. But, it's really unrelated to BF. It's because work has been insane and I'm having some difficulty coping. Actually, I take that back. It does have a little to do with him because I expected him to be more supportive than he has been. I'm not saying that he's been a jerk or anything. I think it's a male/female thing. BF told me that he can't fix my career problems (not that they are problems). I couldn't believe that I had to tell him that I don't want him to fix my problems, I just want him to throw me a pity party, tell me it'll be ok, that I'll get through it, and then give me a hug. I tried to explain that to him this morning and he looked at me as though I was crazy. Men. So very different from women.

Anyway, we are supposed to meet up later and go to the ballet. I got tickets through work and we are going to Lincoln Center to watch the American Ballet Theater perform Don Quixote. Work has finally slowed down and I have time to myself again. It's rather strange to me that I can do what I want without having to worry about getting an e-mail or an assignment or a phone call about this that or the other thing that needs to be done yesterday. At least that's how it's been for today. We'll see about tomorrow.