Friday night, I met up with one of my best friends from high school (HSF). I dated her brother for 7 years (an eternity) and it's always kinda awkward when we talk about boys and such. This time, there was no awkwardness. Maybe it's because she has been dating the same guy for about 8 months (her longest relationship to date!), but the conversation turned to boys and commitment.
HSF has put a one year expiration date on her current relationship. When I asked why one year, she responded by saying that if her boyfriend didn't know if he wanted to marry (?!?) her by then, then it's time to move on. I didn't realize that HSF was so eager to get hitched. Even so, when I asked why the need to get married, she looked at me as though I had grown an extra body part. It may because that statement was not something that she would have expected from me 2 years ago (when I was still dating her brother). In fact, I was one of those crazy girls that planned her wedding (despite the absence of an engagement ring) down to the type of chairs I would want at my reception.
I guess I've done a complete 180° and am not looking to settle down--it's great being a single gal in NYC. Or maybe I'm still smarting from the last relationship and don't want to feel dependent on anyone. It's probably a combination of the two.
It saddens me to think that relationships have a limited shelf life (much like most dairy products) before they go bad. As ET#1 and Frenchie (aka IR) will attest, it seemed as though BF and I were more like spoiled milk than a loving couple this weekend.
I had asked BF to join ET#1, Frenchie and me for Korean BBQ in K-Town. He passed. When I pressed him to join us for Karaoke afterwards, he wouldn't commit. He said that he "would call me later about Karaoke." To me that sounded like, "I am not going to say that I will meet up with you later because if I do then you will hold me to it. I will call you later and if I am in the mood, I will join you." I proceeded to lay on the guilt trip and said, "I never ask you to do anything for me. I'm asking you to come karaoking with us tonight. It's really important to me and I really want you to go." NO EFFECT on him at all. This totally pissed me off and I rounded up ET#1 and we went merrily on our way to meet Frenchie for some BBQ, booze and singing.
ET#1 said that BF said that he would be joining us for karaoke later (at this point, I regressed to the 4th grade and was no longer on speaking terms with BF). But, he never told me any of this. He said that he would call me later. ET#1 made a point of telling BF that we would be karaokeing at around 9:00/10:00 pm and that he should not be late. We didn't start karaokeing until 10:30 pm. BF hadn't called, and when I checked my voicemail at 11:00 pm, there were no messages. So, I assumed that he was not joining us for a night of singing sappy love songs. We left the karaoke place at around 12:30 am and proceeded to walk towards Times Square so that we could drop Frenchie off at her hotel. I check my phone, still no messages. Alas, no one is perfect, not even BF. Then, at around 12:45, my phone rings and it is BF. He is mad pissed. He's been trying to get in touch with me since 11:00 pm (but, I had no reception, thus the missed call did not register on my Sprint PCS phone) . He had been killing time in Times Square for the past 1.5 hours and was upset that I didn't leave him the address of the karaoke place.
HSF has put a one year expiration date on her current relationship. When I asked why one year, she responded by saying that if her boyfriend didn't know if he wanted to marry (?!?) her by then, then it's time to move on. I didn't realize that HSF was so eager to get hitched. Even so, when I asked why the need to get married, she looked at me as though I had grown an extra body part. It may because that statement was not something that she would have expected from me 2 years ago (when I was still dating her brother). In fact, I was one of those crazy girls that planned her wedding (despite the absence of an engagement ring) down to the type of chairs I would want at my reception.
I guess I've done a complete 180° and am not looking to settle down--it's great being a single gal in NYC. Or maybe I'm still smarting from the last relationship and don't want to feel dependent on anyone. It's probably a combination of the two.
It saddens me to think that relationships have a limited shelf life (much like most dairy products) before they go bad. As ET#1 and Frenchie (aka IR) will attest, it seemed as though BF and I were more like spoiled milk than a loving couple this weekend.I had asked BF to join ET#1, Frenchie and me for Korean BBQ in K-Town. He passed. When I pressed him to join us for Karaoke afterwards, he wouldn't commit. He said that he "would call me later about Karaoke." To me that sounded like, "I am not going to say that I will meet up with you later because if I do then you will hold me to it. I will call you later and if I am in the mood, I will join you." I proceeded to lay on the guilt trip and said, "I never ask you to do anything for me. I'm asking you to come karaoking with us tonight. It's really important to me and I really want you to go." NO EFFECT on him at all. This totally pissed me off and I rounded up ET#1 and we went merrily on our way to meet Frenchie for some BBQ, booze and singing.
ET#1 said that BF said that he would be joining us for karaoke later (at this point, I regressed to the 4th grade and was no longer on speaking terms with BF). But, he never told me any of this. He said that he would call me later. ET#1 made a point of telling BF that we would be karaokeing at around 9:00/10:00 pm and that he should not be late. We didn't start karaokeing until 10:30 pm. BF hadn't called, and when I checked my voicemail at 11:00 pm, there were no messages. So, I assumed that he was not joining us for a night of singing sappy love songs. We left the karaoke place at around 12:30 am and proceeded to walk towards Times Square so that we could drop Frenchie off at her hotel. I check my phone, still no messages. Alas, no one is perfect, not even BF. Then, at around 12:45, my phone rings and it is BF. He is mad pissed. He's been trying to get in touch with me since 11:00 pm (but, I had no reception, thus the missed call did not register on my Sprint PCS phone) . He had been killing time in Times Square for the past 1.5 hours and was upset that I didn't leave him the address of the karaoke place.
Am I to blame, dear readers? I think not. He never said he was coming. He did say that he would call. He didn't call until well after the time we said we would be at the karaoke place. Was it my responsibility to call him to ask if he was joining us? ET#1 and Frenchie seemed to think that I did no wrong. Do you agree?
3 comments:
I feel like I'm reading the NYTimes Modern Love column! I like people who can commit to plans, or else just say, "sorry, not interested." We've become too reliant on cell phones and contemporary communication. Ten years ago he would have had to give you an answer one way or the other! Given that, I'd chalk the misfortune to miscommunication-- an easy out for you both (after all, being stuck in Times Square sounds miserable!).
Umm...he finally decides to call you at 11 PM! You did no wrong and BF should take this as a tough lesson learned - either commit or don't and if you hedge too much it might be your loss.
cut the guy some slack
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