My mother is a covert operative

Russian spies, you ain't got nothing on my momma.

Yesterday, I was on the phone with my mother. She had a nice July 4th. My parents went to go hang out with my sister's family, it was my niece's birthday. My niece is cute. My niece still wants to be a scientist like me. Wouldn't it be nice if she could visit my children? She and Dad were tired from their trip, so they missed the 4th of July celebration. Morgan Hill had a parade for the 4th. Wasn't it nice to live in a small town like Morgan Hill? She wished she could have seen the parade. She did laundry instead. My Dad was outside. Did I want to talk to him? Oh he is busy. They are going golfing tomorrow morning. She just did laundry but has to do more. Golfing everyday produces a lot of dirty clothes. Maybe they will visit the Lao's for dinner tomorrow.

Twenty minutes into our conversation, I was lulled into a constant stream of "uh huh's" and "oh really's." I had a nice 4th of July. Yes, I really did teach a bunch of 5-8 year olds to light matches. Then I asked her a pretty routine question, "How much do I owe you all for gas this month?" My parents had given me their gas card when I moved to Baltimore. My dad, long retired, gets an employee discount from Exxon, but recently all the Exxon station in Northern California shut down. They said someone need to be using this discount, so it was my job to take it. Every month, I send them a check, and every month it never gets cashed.

But routine was broken a little this day. "Evil Twin#1, you work too much. You've been using less gas, and you fill on Eastern Ave. too much. I know that is convenient for you because it is close to lab. You are young, you need to go out more."

"Huh?" I said. But she remembers Eastern Ave. when she came to Baltimore. Did I remember the time we first saw the lab together. Wasn't it funny when Dad did not recognize the drug deal? Maybe they will come and visit again. Dad cannot eat crabs because they are too salty. She likes Dungeness crabs more than Blue crabs. Korean people though like to pickle blue crabs.

Sure she is in her seventies, but she still has some mad skills with the tracking and the distracting. Maybe Putin can hire her. I heard he has some openings in the KGB.