Insecure shminsecure

“You know you are a lot hotter now than the last time we hung out,” said the random drunk frat boy, who went to law school with my new friend, S.

“Ummmm thanks?” I replied. What I really wanted to say was “What? Is that supposed to be a compliment? Was I such an uggo when we first met? Are you really a lawyer and end your sentences with a preposition?”

Sigh. I was a little disappointed with myself, for taking that comment so seriously. I am sure the boy was black out drunk and had no idea what he was saying. Unfortunately, I am 33 years old but still riddled with the insecurities. I spent about an hour analyzing what he said. “Okay so now that I am hotter, does that mean he thinks I am a hottie or just not disgusting. Is there threshold? What was I wearing the first time I met him?”

Wasn’t I supposed to have gained some wisdom over the years? Isn’t there supposed to be some personal growth? Wasn’t this incident exactly like the E incident?

E was a law school friend of ET#2. Back when ET#2 lived in Boston, I used to see E from time to time in group settings. Now I should preface this story by saying, E is probably a very nice person, but I have never given her a chance. She is slightly enamored with ET#2. And most importantly for this story, she is about 50-70 pounds overweight. (ET#2 and I tried to come to a consensus but both of us are not good with weight estimations. We do agree she is on the clearly heavy side.)

One night, we were in ET#2’s apartment. Most of the night was completely unremarkable. I think I was there because I was playing scrabble with ET#2’s roommate. ET#2 and her law school friends came in from some event (I think). We were all sitting in the living room having a pleasant conversation. C, another female law student, said something. And while I can’t remember what C said, the response E gave is forever emblazed in my mind. She turned to me and said “ET#1, us big girls need to stick together.”

That one sentence “us big girls need to stick together” was something I obsessed about for years. That one sentence is the reason I still don’t like E. That one sentence was bandied about for years by ET#2’s ex-roommate, who thought it would be hilarious to constantly tease me.

As a matter of fact, when I g-chatted with ET#2 for an accurate estimation of how overweight E was, she knew exactly why I wanted to know. Yes, “us big girls need to stick together,” had taken a life of its own.

So will my impression of the frat boy be forever marred. Yes, it will. If history has taught me anything, it is that I am incredibly petty and can carry a grudge for a very long time.