Pusser's is not a dirty word

I'll admit that I am stuck at the mental age of 14. For instance, when my friend C, who was flying to Baltimore to attend our friend's shower, said, "Hey let's kidnap S after the shower, and have umbrella drinks at Pusser's," I could not help but giggle.

"What? I didn't think I heard you right," I replied.

"Pusser's, we'd have to head South to Annapolis after the shower," she said between my now full on guffaws.

Okay clearly this conversation degraded into more laughter and raunchy jokes with C, who by the way for full disclosure sakes I should tell the audience is a Unitarian minister.

The shower was Saturday. I begrudgingly wore a skirt, and an appropriate top. C was already there when I arrived. She was 6 months pregnant and showing it. To be fair, like most showers I now attend, most of the party members are married pregnant with like one child at home.

At the party there was salad and tea sandwiches. We all brought pictures to add to her scrap book with small notes with wise marital advice. "Don't go to bed angry." "You do not have to win every argument, just the important ones." "Something Something squiggle line squiggle line (which I think was in Tamal)" I added a picture of her dancing in my dorm room 12 years ago. My advice: Don't ever let your house get this messy.

Then there was the ceremonial opening of the shower presents. Because the shower was with her very conservative Indian in-laws, we were instructed to bring no naughty things. But that means very little to a 14 year-old-at-heart:

Breakfast tray - One aunt says, "This is a huge marital aid."
Massage oil and edible soap - One aunt says. "Why would someone eat soap?"
Smart stick - no comment needed to make this one funny.

While I was sputtering and trying to hold in my giggling fit, I could not help but notice the 16 year-old girl in her grown up sari, acting perfectly angelic.

The shower ended with cup cakes, end everyone cooing at a baby who was brought in by his father who was patiently waiting outside for the shower to end. I saw the baby and took in a sharp breath. Besides the one baby I saw that had a huge hemangioma on his nose, this was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. He has a monobrow and looked like a 40 year old man's head stuck on a baby's body. He had hair all over his face, and huge bald spot.

When we got in the car, I said to C, "Seriously, that was one ugly ass baby." In which she replied, "He kind of is." And that was the end of that.

We drove the 45 minutes to Annapolis with the music blaring. I kind of wished we had slurpees but considering I had just eaten 3 cupcakes I thought the extra sugar might put me in a diabetic coma.

Pusser's is, in fact, the name of a British rum company and not just a funny sounding name. It used to be what sailors drank and were rationed in ye olde times. Also, it is located right on the water with a spactacular view of the harbor. I bought myself a Pusser Pain Killer and C a virgin Cuba Libre. I convinced to guys to give us their table. C was pregnant after all.

We chatted and soon S and 2 of her friends arrived. They were impressed by our ability to score a table. C and I let them praise us. We then proceeded to order ever item on the apetizer menu along with umbrella drinks. After two drinks, everyone but me switched to water. One girl asked me how I did it. I replied, "I stayed single. It makes it easier and necessary to deal with dating boys when you are half in the bag all the time."

P, one of S's friends, said, "Your sister gave this to me. She said it was for you." She handed S a book. In gold lettering, the cover read, "The Pop-up book of Sex." S opened it to a page with a naked woman stradling a naked man in an office chair. She pulled one of the tabs, and the woman fell back as the man held her back. "Oh my. It's interactive." She blushed then giggled.

Soon all five of us were flipping through the book laughing hysterically. Good to know I am not the only one with a dirty minded inner 14 year-old.