Define: hottie

News a la CNN.com:
"Men want hot women, study confirms"

I am a great ...ahem...dare I say... student of the bar scene. From time to time, I like to share the wisdom I have gleaned from my forays to dating jungle.

My friend, AS is, for lack of a better term, a gigolo. He is also my friend and my wingman for the bar scene. We are comfortable scouting out a room for babes and studs and if things are not good, we are just as happy to chat with each other. We went to a Boston hotspot called 28 degrees. While waiting for the dinner crowd to leave, I mentioned the study about men choosing hot women, but leaving out what I thought was the most important fact. What does a man find physically attractive?

I have distilled the attractiveness factor to a point system. While many men of 28 degrees was interviewed for this survey remember the samples was mostly white New Englander's ranging from 25-42 in age.

Anything above zero is worth pursuing.

Long hair (+2pts) - Long hair is defined as anything past shoulder length and shorter than mid back. If the hair can reach a woman's ass, she then is put into the hippie category.

Overweight (-5pts) - The good news is that most men think of weight as a dichotomous variable. Women are either skinny or fat. The nuance between a size 2 and a 6 is lost on them.

Make-up (+4pts) - In a darkly lit bar, AS tried to convince me that a woman who was clearly in her 40s was in her 30s and one who was clearly in her late 30s as 50. The difference was the color palette the women used. Pinks are considered young. (A lot of foundation seemed to fool him too.) Also, anyone wearing mascara, eyeliner, or eyeshadow is considered to have make-up on. Lipgloss, rouge, and foundation is not noticed.

Asian (+2pts) - Unfortunately, it is also accompanied with the notion that Asian women are quiet, docile, sweet and incredibly kinky in the sack.

Blonde (+2pts) - Maybe that is why they have more fun.

Grumpy expression (-2pts) - While a smile is not a guarantee, a frown is definite turn-off unless the woman is being hit on by another dude.

Breasts (+5pts) - Self explanatory.

Height (-4pts) - Unless the guy is super short, the general rule is that he will only hit on girls that are shorter than he is.

Perfume (+1pt) - Pheromones be damned. Men like sweet scents like vanilla and other stuff that I would never go near.

Tactile fabrics (+1pt) - Don't know if this is just an excuse to touch a woman, but if she is wearing some thing particularly soft, crinkly, or rough she will be petted often.

Youth (+2pts) - There is a reason porn sites labeled "barely legal" are popular. However, most men's eyesight are not very keen. Please refer back to make-up.

As much as I would like to make a list of what women find attractive, I cannot. There was no consensus on anything so this was the only list I could make.

Good luck all you women and men out there. Remember all this information is not meant for long lasting relations. To be used for evil purposes only.