The Game: a girl's perspective

I am not a physically attractive woman. I write this not to gain pity or fish for false compliments, it is simply a fact. Which is why I find it ever amusing that when I am in the mood to go out, I have never had a problem picking up men. It's easy getting a free drink off a guy, no matter how good looking he may be. But how does this happen? Men, when at a bar with their buds, are essentially shallow and not looking for a girl's personality. Are bars so dimly lit and beer goggles so thick that they just assume that I am a hottie? Is it that heterosexual men are extremely unselective and hit on anything that have breasts?

Recently, a book called "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" has hit the New York Bestsellers list. It is a book about how a balding unattractive man was able to get any woman by mastering pick-up techniques. Don't get me wrong, Mr. Strauss is not a stellar writer and his book loses its focus with a sappy love story, but the idea that getting the attention of the opposite sex can be distilled into a few moves is facinating.

So here are some techniques I use and therefore want to share with my readers. These rules only apply to the bar scene, so alcohol plays a big proponent of it. (I am still working on the gym/coffee house/bookstore pick-up.)

- Go out with only one or two friends. More than that and your posse is too intimidating.

- Don't dress too hoochie. Try to keep it simple, it gives you an aura of cool.

- To get a drink, you need to have a drink in you hand. So there is always the initial investment of one drink.

- Choose you drink appropriately. Check out what the bar is like. If all the guys are drinking a bottle of Bud, drink beer. Drink wine at restaurant or hotel bars, and cocktails at yuppie theme bars.

- If the place is crowded, sit at the bar. You and your friend should face each other or outward, never towards the bar. This position creates a space that looks open and allows for high foot traffic towards your position. Men will try to order drinks between you and your friend. Help him get the bartenders attention, if he is worth your time.

- Never look bored, and smile a lot.

- Be bold. You can interupt the conversation of a group of guy three or less. The best "in" is to start talking to either the shortest or the ugliest guy in the group. This man is the most vunerable and his buds are there trying to help him out. In the end, the good looking guy will ask you for your number, because he is confused why you don't want him and he thinks you are nice.

- Initially, offer to buy you own drink. Don't worry, it is just a play because he will say every time "No, I go it."

- Be lady like, at least in the beginning. Leave making out on the dance floor to sometime after midnight.

- When he asks for your number pretend you do not have a pen or a purse. Let him sweat it out a bit. Normally, you end up with his business card, a good record of your night's conquest.

Of course, it takes a while to perfect these techniques. Between Mr. Strauss's readers and this blogs readers soon the bars will only be filled with average looking people hitting on each other. Frightening. 'Til then enjoy. Please remember practice makes perfect and this knowledge should only be used for evil and not true love.