Still crying

Normally, I try not to wallow in my self pity too long, but it seems this time I have dug myself in quite deep and am having a hard time climbing out. The worst part is that I have been pretty proactive about ending it. Last night, I went to book club and chatted about "The Master Butchers' Singing Club." I thought my emotional funk was done.

This morning I woke up, did my morning calisthenics, ate a breakfast of bread, yogurt, cherries, and organic yerbe mate tea. The sun was shining and I even watched Regis and Kelly do a little of their host chat. Normally, on a beautiful day like this I would bike to school, but having gone out a lot the past few days all my bikes were already in the school cages. Well, a walk in cool autumn morning would be pleasant too. I put on my headphones and turned on my Zillion. I was smiling. Smiling thinking about how pretty New England can be in the fall.

Then it happened. Keane's song "Everybody's changing" came on. For some reason, I decided to pay attention to the lyrics. Waterworks ensued. I tried to stop crying, but I could not. Change the song! So I did and the next song was "Everybody gets what they deserve." Yikes. Jem's "Its just a ride." Fast forward. The Shins "Young Pilgrams." This song makes no sense, but I was such a mess that I started reading things into it. Next. Chris Isaak's "Somebody's crying." Are your kidding? Is random shuffle choosing only depressing music? What happened to all the Enrique Inglesias bubble gum crap I uploaded last week?

As I am walking wiping away tears in a busy intersection full of pedestrians, frantically skipping to the next song I came to an epiphany. The much maligned pop station KISS 108 should not be. Hookin' up in da club, shake yo thang mama, and stickwitu, would have been welcomed words this morning.

Okay from now on, no more tears. There is a full moon tonight. Maybe I need to go howl at it.