Dead weight

Sorry, as I delve into a touchy feely subject matter.

For the most part, those who surround me are fantastic people. When I am blue, they send me words of comfort. When I am whiny, they listen. And when it is time to kick back, they are a hell of a lot of fun. But every once in a while you run into a dud. Someone who can suck the life force out you. Sometimes it is because they are boring, sometimes they just stupid, but most oftenly these duds are selfish, too self involved.

It is often hard to say bye to a friend. Normally, things change gradually and you can slowly drift apart. This method is preferred. Every once in a while, well just twice in my lifetime, you have to end things in a dramatic fashion.

I dated someone this year. I thought he was a nice fellow. He was intelligent, fun and a good kisser. But it became rather apparent that he had "issues." He was manipulating, commitment phobic, and incredibly self involved. I thought that made him bad boyfriend material, but perhaps he could be a decent friend.

So I listened to his problems with work, with his family, with his friends and with himself. And there were a lot of them. In the process of empathizing, I was dragging myself down too. Once when he was away on a business trip to Singapore, I asked for a postcard. (postcards are an obsession of mine) This was his email from Singapore:

ok, ET#1 of the postcard collection ET#1. i have now acquired your postcard. mailing it will be another issue - and i cannot yet commit to that. hope all is well. this place is hot and a long way from home. g

Our friendship was a definite one way street. My supposed friend felt overtaxed sending a postcard, literally the only thing I ever asked from him .

I hate being the bad guy, but I guess I had to be. I don't know what triggered it, but I realized that I had had enough. This Monday night, we spoke on the phone; chaos ensued. Apparently, he was dealing with some intense family issues, but it had gotten to the point that while I felt bad, I just could not deal anymore. It is amazing how pent up frustration with someone can spill out oneself. In retrospect, I wish I was more eloquent or witty like in a 30's black and white picture. But the stuff coming out of my mouth was more like a 70's gangster film. At the end of the conversation, he still misunderstood why I was angry. And surprisingly, I am okay with that. I said my piece, and now I am at peace.

Losing a friend should be a sad event. I am sure in the coming weeks I'll spend time wondering if everything worked out okay for him. But it is nice to know that I am no longer responsible for being a surrogate therapist. He once told me that he had five friends he thought he could rely on and I was one of them. Oh well, at least he has four left. No one should be alone, even if they are dead weight.

By the way, I never did get that postcard.