It's called "sex"

(Admittedly, I did not post this story because my mom gets embarrassed, but then I decided to go ahead because really it is her fault for raising such a evil child. Sorry, Mom.)

Every Sunday I call my parents. Really, I call my mother. My dad sometimes reluctantly answers the phone tells me my mom went to the store, is the in the bathroom, or simply disappeared for few hours. Despite the effort the past 18.5 years (and that is not a typo), it is impossible to engage in a conversation with him when he is not in the mood to talk.

My mother on the other hand, is always full of conversation. Bubbly to the end, often I am forced to do the following "Uh huh. Uh huh .... hey Mom, I gotta go now.....Uh huh Uh huh, yeah Mom I kind of got to .... Uh huh Uh huh....Umm bye.......Uh huh Uh huh ...okay great. Mom I really have to ...."

So this Sunday's conversation went as the following:

ET#1: Hey, Mom. What's going on? I hear you have to take care of the baby for a while. (My sister, her husband and niece are on a ski vacation.)

Mom: Oh yes you heard. L, L. guess who is on the phone? Guess who is on the phone? It is your Aunt.

ET#1: Okay, I guess you are kind of busy I will call back later.

Mom: Oh no. L and I are just playing. He loves electroinics.... (I zone out a little bit)... It is so cold here [in California, where it is 55 degrees Fahrenheit]. How cold is it in Boston?

ET#1: Umm like 15 maybe a little lower with wind chill.

Mom:[giggling] oh soooo cold. How are you suviving?

ET#1: I guess I am fine. I look like a homeless person with two coats. Also, I decided to jsut stay in my pajamas. Am walking back from the pharmacy right now.

Mom: Are you sick?

ET#1: No, no. Am just picking up some birth control pills. (Am taking them for acne, but would rather have my parent think I am having a little fun out here.)

Mom: Really? (She acts surprised even though I have told her I have been on it for the past 7 months.) You know your dad is doing so much better now that he is not taking the Zocor....(I zone out again) .... When is you next physical?

ET#1: Just went in for my annual gynocological exam too this week. I love the new Thin scrape thing. Gosh it is so superior than the old pinch swabs. Too bad it did not get invented earlier.

Mom: Oh that is nice, but why do you have to go so often?

ET#1: Because once a year is what they reccommend. Oh and guess what? I am Chlamydia, and HIV free too! (Yes, on my current student health plan, I have to pay out of my own pocket to get a tetnus booster, but every STD testing is free. So I like to take advantage of it. Now if only I could possibly work on catching one...)

Mom: Oh look L, is trying to turn on the television.

ET#1: Yeah. That would be kind of hard considering I am 3000 miles away. ... Well, had to go to pharmacy today because I kept forgetting to pick it up. Just wish it was a little cheaper. At 25 dollars a month, no wonder why there is a baby boom.

Mom: I wish I could buy it for you, but I don't know how that would look.

ET#1: HAHAHA

Mom: Oh I think L can here you laughing because he wants the phone right now. Do you want to talk to your Auntie? Do you want to talk to your Auntie?

ET#1: Oh that's okay, Mom. (Crap. This fake talking to the kid could take hours) Mom....Mom....Mom..... Umm, L give the phone to Grandma, give the phone to Grandma.....Mom...Mom....

Mom: Oh I thought he wanted to talk to you but he gave me the phone. Wait what were we talking about?

ET#1: About how you want someone to prescribe you the pill so you can get it for me?

Mom: That would look strange, right? Oh here comes L again. Wait

ET#1: (think fast think fast) No, that would not be strange at least it would be a good sign that you and dad were getting it on. You know a healthy sex life is important for seniors

[Silence]

Mom: Ummm.....okay I think I have to go now.

ET#1: Oh so soon alright. Bye, Mom. Love you.

Mom: Uh huh okay bye. (click)