A good example

My sister and I are the oldest cousins on my mother's side of the family. When we used to visit Korea as children we were by default the cool ones, the leaders, the pseudo-authority figures. My sister was a teenager then. She would read her books and listen to her walkman, as we would play outside in the muggy heat. My cousins would paint her pictures and beg her to please watch them preform somersaults and handstands. I would get irritated because their attention to her would disrupt our games. But it would be hard to fault them. She was cool even by normal American standards, which just meant that in Korea she was a goddess.

In 1996, we had a family reunion. Everyone came to visit us in California. One of my aunts had left Korea 1970, had never returned. So the reunion was full of touching moments of family members who had not seen each other in 26 years. That meant the 6 cousins were left in my care. My cousin J, still remembers when he did not go to bed, I simply slung him over my shoulder, climbed up the stairs, and threw him into his room. He was already taller and heavier than me by this time, but it is amazing what righteous ire can do to you physical limitations.

Over the years, I have gotten many e-mails from them. "Oh ET#1, I am in love with a boy and my mom really hates him. Can you please talk to her?" (My reply: You mom is correct. He is a loser. Dump him.) "Thank you for the care package. My roommate ate all the Oreos you sent." (My reply: Tell him that I smack him if he steals your food again) "Hi! Is it okay I practice my English with you. It is my best subject in school." (My reply: Of course it is, but do you think you could practice some Korean and buy me a mp3 player.)


Yes, they are pretty adorable. But lately, since most of them have graduated college, I have had less contact with them. They were adults and did not need us anymore. We get the occassional update from my gossipy aunt or grandma, but for the most part they are normal adults with jobs and signifiicant others.

One of my cousins, SU, is about the most talented person I know. When she was young she was concert pianist and an award winning painter. Everything comes easily to her. She is smart, fun and cute. Getting into college which is normally a huge stressor for Korean youth was a breeze for her. She is a little bit on the heavy side (still a good 10 pounds lighter than me though), so sometimes the teasing from her mother had left her with not the greatest self esteem. She recently graduated college with a degree in journalism, but decided to become an airline stewardess for Emirates (The official airline of the United Arab Emirates). No one in the family understood why she did it. It was her first defiant act ever.


Yesterday, I got an email from her. [translated poorly by me into English]:
Hi older sister[that's me], I cannot believe I have not seen you since 2003. Time goes by so fast. I will be in New York next week and wanted to know if you were near New York. I know you live in Eastern United States and I don't know how far you are. I would really like to see you. I would like to see how my older sister lives. The truth is I am living in Dubai now. I am a stewardess for Emirates. Life is difficult. Sometimes I get sad, lonely and homesick. My memory of you is how you always walk with confidence and nothing scares you. So I try everyday to be more like you. The flight from Dubai to New York is 14 hours long and will run frequently. There is a rumor that they might start flying to San Francisco one day. Hope to hear from you soon!


When I read the letter, I was so happy to get it. I sent a reply and then went to the lab. I ran some errands and came home to read my book club book. As I was taking a sip of my lemonade laced with a little gin, I thought, "oh crap." When did I become someone that someone tries to emulate? Wasn't I supposed to be the cautionary tale? When you don't listen to your parents and eat your greens you could become a 31 year old woman, who is still single with no prospects of ever having a boyfriend, who still does not have a job, and whose most expensive possession is a bicycle she obtained by shady means. Doesn't my cousin know that I am riddled with insecurities? Should I tell her?

I guess not. I want her to walk tall and have her adventures. And I'll admit my ego was greatly enhanced knowing someone thinks I am doing thing alright.

No matter how old we get, there will always those people who captured our admiration. It is hard to get perspective on these people we've put up on a pedestal. I wonder if my high school history teacher is riddled with doubts about the choices he made. Nah. He is infallible.