A Time to Vent

A bit of back story -- I emailed a client relaying a request from a notoriously fickle government agency that ALWAYS takes its time when reviewing applications. I had previously relayed the agency's request for a simplified drawing that contained only the necessary information to the client. The client refused to give the agency what it wanted, saying that it had already sent the information -- the agency should be able to figure it out by looking through the 20+ drawings we had previously submitted. The govt. agency guy was not happy about this, as a result, he calls to yell at me every so often about how the drawings we provided are not what he asked for. Since he is in a position of power and can screw us over on more than a few projects, I always apologize and never tell him to shove it.

We are meeting with the agency on Thursday. The agency guy called me yesterday and yelled that we need to bring 3 section drawings. I emailed the client passing that request along. Here is a redacted version of an email exchange that we had last night. It has REALLY been bothering me. I am hoping that by posting it, I can get over it and will feel better...

EMAIL #1:

[Evil Twin #2],

I have prepared [a really simple drawing of something that we have on file, but I'm going to make a huge deal about it] for [self-important guy at a super-bureaucratic government agency that has the strongest (insert ethnicity here) accent so it is nearly impossible to figure out what he is saying]. That said, the ONLY reason we offered the entire [property] for the [archaic real property interest] was to expedite the process and avoid precisely the sort of minutia this guy is asking for. With the availability of our entire [property] and SEVENTEEN YEARS to figure out how to use it, why are we doing this? You as our attorney need to convey to the [government agency] our reasoning for offering our entire plaza in return for AVOIDING this sort of stuff! As [client's older brother who is away on vacation and is usually the lead person on the project] pointed out, we can build a smaller building, not combine our lots, and give then NOTHING.

[surly younger brother of main client]

EMAIL #2:

Dear [surly younger brother of main client],

Thank you for preparing the [incredibly simple and easy to create drawing] on such short notice. I have tried to convey your point to [Government Agency bureaucrat that has the power to hold up your project for YEARS if you piss him off] repeatedly. He does not seem to fully grasp it -- most probably because he is used to the [Government Agency] getting its way. Let's hope that this can all be settled at Thursday's meeting.

--[Evil Twin #2]

EMAIL #3:

[Evil Twin #2],

The fact of the matter is that the drawing we already provided have ALL the information necessary to determine if an escalator will fit under our [property]. The drawing I did today and EVERYTHING else he's asked for are completely unnecessary and won't show anything that's not on the previous drawings [which were comprised of 20 sheets of oversized paper, and only 2 of the images from said sheets are actually relevant]. Is he just trying to delay and make extra, unnecessary work for us?

[surly younger brother of main client]

EMAIL #4 (the one I wish that I had sent):

Dear [surly younger brother of main client],

F*ck you. I am not your bitch. Every time you email me, I have to read it and you have to pay the firm $385/hour. If you piss me off, I will stop placating the govt agency guy and your project will be in limbo FOREVER.

Sincerely,

[Evil Twin #2]