Easter

I am a rule follower. It irritates me, but for the most part I do my civic duties. pay taxes (even on items that are not declared), I submit all necessary school paperwork on time, and when I parallel park I make sure that I am no futher that 18inches from the curb with my wheel turned. Yes, I am a sucker. The worst part of it is that I want others to follow the rules too. I flick off drivers who barrel through intersections and have been tempted to tattle on fellow students who don't pay their taxes.

The problem is that I don't know what my motivation for following the rules. I am not a religious person. Actually, I need to rephrase that, I am a person without a religion. I was five years old, when my mother wanted to baptize me. She comes from a very catholic family, and my sister's baptism went off without a hitch. I was different, and said "no." To her credit she respected my wishes. Of course, for 24 years she has been quite passive aggressive about the whole issue, hinting that I will burn in hell if I don't get baptized soon but that is for another day.

So even though I don't have a religion, I get guilted into going to mass on Sundays, well at least important Sundays or ones where you get toys. For example, I attended mass on Palm Sunday so I could make my palm frond cross. When I go to church, I go to the closest one down the street that has a hippie priest.

Since Evil-twin #2 was in town, we decided to go to Easter services together (maybe to redeem ourselves for Friday night frivolities). We got to the church a little late and so had to stand through the mass. Standing on the side, gave me good vantage point to watch all the parishoners. The following are some rules we should abide by:

-Do not make out with your significant other in the church.
-Sometimes make your offerings in change so you can hear the ushers jingle about.
-Try to learn when to stand up and when to kneel, even if you only go to church twice a year. It is too much pressure on the 85 year old lady to lead the whole congregation as her knees aren't what they used to be.
-Sing the hymns. If you don't pass the hymnal to someone who will.
-Teach your kid not to aimlessly roam around the church while the mass is proceeding.

Now how to get people to follow these rules is a whole other problem.