Pusser's is not a dirty word

I'll admit that I am stuck at the mental age of 14. For instance, when my friend C, who was flying to Baltimore to attend our friend's shower, said, "Hey let's kidnap S after the shower, and have umbrella drinks at Pusser's," I could not help but giggle.

"What? I didn't think I heard you right," I replied.

"Pusser's, we'd have to head South to Annapolis after the shower," she said between my now full on guffaws.

Okay clearly this conversation degraded into more laughter and raunchy jokes with C, who by the way for full disclosure sakes I should tell the audience is a Unitarian minister.

The shower was Saturday. I begrudgingly wore a skirt, and an appropriate top. C was already there when I arrived. She was 6 months pregnant and showing it. To be fair, like most showers I now attend, most of the party members are married pregnant with like one child at home.

At the party there was salad and tea sandwiches. We all brought pictures to add to her scrap book with small notes with wise marital advice. "Don't go to bed angry." "You do not have to win every argument, just the important ones." "Something Something squiggle line squiggle line (which I think was in Tamal)" I added a picture of her dancing in my dorm room 12 years ago. My advice: Don't ever let your house get this messy.

Then there was the ceremonial opening of the shower presents. Because the shower was with her very conservative Indian in-laws, we were instructed to bring no naughty things. But that means very little to a 14 year-old-at-heart:

Breakfast tray - One aunt says, "This is a huge marital aid."
Massage oil and edible soap - One aunt says. "Why would someone eat soap?"
Smart stick - no comment needed to make this one funny.

While I was sputtering and trying to hold in my giggling fit, I could not help but notice the 16 year-old girl in her grown up sari, acting perfectly angelic.

The shower ended with cup cakes, end everyone cooing at a baby who was brought in by his father who was patiently waiting outside for the shower to end. I saw the baby and took in a sharp breath. Besides the one baby I saw that had a huge hemangioma on his nose, this was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. He has a monobrow and looked like a 40 year old man's head stuck on a baby's body. He had hair all over his face, and huge bald spot.

When we got in the car, I said to C, "Seriously, that was one ugly ass baby." In which she replied, "He kind of is." And that was the end of that.

We drove the 45 minutes to Annapolis with the music blaring. I kind of wished we had slurpees but considering I had just eaten 3 cupcakes I thought the extra sugar might put me in a diabetic coma.

Pusser's is, in fact, the name of a British rum company and not just a funny sounding name. It used to be what sailors drank and were rationed in ye olde times. Also, it is located right on the water with a spactacular view of the harbor. I bought myself a Pusser Pain Killer and C a virgin Cuba Libre. I convinced to guys to give us their table. C was pregnant after all.

We chatted and soon S and 2 of her friends arrived. They were impressed by our ability to score a table. C and I let them praise us. We then proceeded to order ever item on the apetizer menu along with umbrella drinks. After two drinks, everyone but me switched to water. One girl asked me how I did it. I replied, "I stayed single. It makes it easier and necessary to deal with dating boys when you are half in the bag all the time."

P, one of S's friends, said, "Your sister gave this to me. She said it was for you." She handed S a book. In gold lettering, the cover read, "The Pop-up book of Sex." S opened it to a page with a naked woman stradling a naked man in an office chair. She pulled one of the tabs, and the woman fell back as the man held her back. "Oh my. It's interactive." She blushed then giggled.

Soon all five of us were flipping through the book laughing hysterically. Good to know I am not the only one with a dirty minded inner 14 year-old.

Happy Birthday, Evil Twin #2

Celebrity

I was driving 40 miles an hour on the Pulaski Highway heading east towards the lab. My hands were gittery from all the excitement or from the glass of wine I drank 4 hours earlier. I couldn't tell. I called my sister. My brother-in-law answered the phone "Whazzup?" he said. "S, you'll never believe who I just met today? Gwen Ifil!"I screamed into the phone. "Who is that? Is she famous?" he asked.

Friday afternoon was 65 degrees with a slight breeze and no clouds in the sky. I wanted to get a little Vitamin D ans some fresh air. I had been cooped up in the lab all morning, setting up real-time PCR that was doomed for failure. I knew this and frantically finished it anyway. It was not until 1:45 until I was able to get lunch. Okay for most, but for some reason I get cranky when unfed. This lunch would have to be large and substantial. I opted for a gyro at Samos, which is 0.7 miles away.

During my walk, I dialed A. I wanted to tell someone about my fabulous night. "Okay so I had to pay like 40 bucks to go to this library fundraiser. By the way did you know that Baltimore has the olders public library system in America? Anyway this event was like 90 percent women."

"Of course it is. It is a library event," A said.

"Oh it was not just a library event it was a library fundraiser plus wine tasting. I think that effectively meant no men allowed. So there were a bunch of bankers and doctor's wives at this event. You know the fabulous kinds with pearls and handbags. I went because my new friend volunteers to raise funds for the library while she searches for a paying gig. I digress. I go to this event in a pair of wide leg jeans and a sweater, so I might be a tad underdressed. The main speaker for this event is Sharon Ifill, who is a prof of South African law at U. Maryland. So apartheid, constitution, equality and whatever. After the talk, I was standing with my friend and Gwen Ifill comes up to me and says, 'I love your shoes, I noticed them a while back and just wanted to tell you how fabulous they are.'"

"O my God, that is even better. A famous person complementing your shoes," A replied.

"Well I was like yeah I really like Washington Week. I was such an ass. Anyway, I was so super excited but my brother-in-law was like who is that?"

"Your brother-in-law and sister are from LA. I'm sure they saw real celebrities all the time," A said.

"Oh like Linsey Lohan? But I rather meet Gwen Ifill anyday."

"Celebrity is relative," said A. "Gwen is big to those of us who watch PBS because we still have rabbit years on our television.

By this time, I had already reached the restaurant and said good bye to A. While waiting for my sandwich, I ran into my boss's boss. He and I made awkward small talk as we waited for our lunches. Then we were interupted by a blur of grey permed hair.

"Hallo, Hallo remember me?" said an older lady frantically waving her hands.

"Oh, Hi," I said after checking around me to make sure she was talking to me.

"From the train," she said. Ah yes, I sat next to her on a train to DC.

"Well, it was nice to see you again," I said.

As the crazy old lady was leaving I overheard her conversation with her husband "Who was that girl?" he asked. "Remember the night of the Lincoln Center event. She is the one I have been telling you about," she replied.

My boss's boss gave me a strange look. "Guess your famous," he said.

Two for One

As you know, I am horrible about posting in a timely fashion. To make up for that, this post is two posts in one -- a movie review and one you can add to the list of random (and sometime scary) things that happen in New York.

Story Number 1:

BF and I had just finished watching The Mysteries of Pittsburgh (btw, read the book and don't bother with the movie) and grabbing dinner at one of the restaurants in the NY Times Building. It was miserable out and we made our way to the subway entrance just outside of the NYT building. I was telling BF how disappointed I was in the movie's lame attempt at depicting Pittsburgh (my hometown) in 1983. Why was Siena Miller's hair being held back with a somewhat tasteful jaw clip (which did not exist in 1983) instead of the more historically accurate banana clip? Why was everyone dressed as though they had just stepped off the L-Train? The only attempt that the movie made to capture 1983 was to put the old yellow license plates on the movie's cars. As an aside, I was back in Pittsburgh for Easter and it's not hard to find cars circa 1983. Pittsburgh is pretty much stuck in the late 1980's/early 1990's as it is. I'm sure the costume designer could have gone to a few thrift stores and found tons of clothes from the era instead of dressing everyone in stuff you can find in Urban Outfitters/American Eagle. BF didn't even realize the movie was set in 1983. I definitely preferred the book to the movie. My suggestion, read the book, don't waste your time or money on the movie. The one exception was Peter Sarsgaard (but I think that's because I generally like him and not necessarily because of his performance). Siena Miller and her weird accent gets a big thumbs down. For a much better portrayal of Pittsburgh in the 1980's, go watch Adventureland.

Story Number 2:

We were walking north in the subway corridor towards the turnstiles for the A Train, discussing whether or not Siena Miller is too skinny, when a random very large African American dude in his late 20's or early 30's makes a beeline for BF and me. This guy is walking with a purpose, hands in the pockets of his hooded sweatshirt which is pulled up over his head, and is muttering to himself. We start veering to the side to stay out of his way, but then he comes straight at us, calls BF a "pus*y a**" (or something along those lines -- he was mumbling) and kicks BF in the shins and continues walking down the corridor, still muttering to himself.

There were lots of other people in the passageway and I'm not sure why he focused in on us. It was pretty scary, especially since we couldn't see he his hands. I was worried that he had a knife and would stab BF. I was frantically looking around for a station agent or some cops, but none were around. The other people in the corridor gave us concerned, sympathetic looks (thanks for nothing, people). I'm just glad that BF was ok. Definitely shaken up, and sporting a bruise on his left shin, but still in one piece. Whew.

Mail time

Amongst the many TV shows that Evil Twin#2 and I enjoyed, one is Blue's Clues (with Steve not the creepy cousin Joe).

So what does Mailbox have for us today?

ET#1 sent ET#2 an article from Science magazine about the neurobiology behind experiencing Schadenfreude.

ET#2 sent ET#1 a clipping from a West Elm catalog with a quotation from Mike, the moped rider, who thinks "there’s something sexy about living low to the ground."

When the cherry blossom blooms

After a two months of bitching and moaning about Baltimore, I've realized I don't mind it so much any more. I still don't have any friends here, but that does seem to bother me. I think the transition has been okay, because so much of Baltimore is like Boston.

Running along the Inner Harbor: running along the Charles.
Cherry Blossom run: Run to Remember.
Safeway 10 minute walk away: Stop & Shop 10 minute walk away.
Polish Deli at Broadway Market: Russian grocery store on Beacon.
H-mart food court: Super 88 food court.
White frat boys: white frat boys.
Sunning on the back deck: sunning on my porch.
Nieman Marcus Last Call: Filene's Basement (Downtown).
Gossipy old Irish lady neighbor: gossipy old jewish lady neighbor.
Excessive drinking of Harpoon IPA: excessive drinking of Yuengling.
Erratic drivers along Eastern Ave: erratic drivers on Beacon.
Crazy Orioles fans: crazy Red Sox fans.

The list could go on, but since I have legitamate work to do today I will leave it at that.

Wise Beyond My Years

One of my clients has been indirectly screwed by the whole Madoff thing and I actually said "We're in quite a pickle..." to my boss today. When did I turn into a little old lady??

Happy Birthday ET#1

Today is Evil Twin #1's Birthday! Back in college, we (ET#1, myself, Teacup Girl and Hula Girl) used to force the birthday girl to wear a Happy Birthday tiara for the day. It was incredibly embarassing. Since we can't be in Baltimore to make ET#1 sport a sparkly and frilly tiara, I'm posting it here instead. Happy Birthday, ET#1!!!!