Idiocracy

Go rent this movie.

Why had I never really heard of it before? It is hysterical, extremely offensive, and a sad commentary about our Jerry Springer loving society. Plus any movie that has a funny voice over gets my vote. Plus plus Luke Wilson is dreamy no matter what role he is playing.

Good Karma. Oh crap, now what?

It started out with a simple thing. A couple of my experiments in the lab went pretty well. One would hope successes would be more frequent, but they are not for me. So when even just one things goes well, you feel like you are on a roll.

On Thursday, a friend of mine realized that he would not be using his allotment of exercise money. That is to say at his work place, he is allotted $300 to go towards gym memberships or exercise equipment. Out of the blue, he came up to our lab and said, "Hey, I heard your bike got stolen. I'll buy you a new one." He explained how he had never used his money and he felt like it was a waste that it never got used. He made it sound like I would be doing him a favor. But really, I'd be getting the discounted bike.

Over watermelon beers and Popeye's fried chicken, I asked A what she thought about my good fortune. "Oh, I think it's good Karma. You should take your friend up on his offer. That way, the Universe will make sure something good with happen to him. Maybe someone will give him a car."

Although not intentional, I think the idea of Karma was planted in the back of my mind. For months now, I have meant to buy gifts for the people at the research center in Hiroshima Japan. I had a wonderful summer there, and according to Japanese tradition I should have sent them some American trinkets. I had been incredibly slow and lazy about it, but I this weekend I felt motivated to buy things. The problem was that I still had my original stumbling block. What would be uniquely, Bostonian that would appeal to a Japanese person? The only thing I could imagine was Boston Red Sox t-shirts that had Daisuke Matsuzaka's number on them.

Before trekking out to Fenway Park and its vendors, I stopped by Filene's Basement. Because the store will be closing forever, everything was an additional 10% off. I found tons of cute tops, and fell in love with this little crocheted number. When I went into the bin of Red Sox t-shirts amongst a sea of Ortizes, Ramirezes, Schillings, Wakefields, and Papelbons, I found 4 Matsuzakas. Score! Then there were bins of the Lindt Truffles H loves so much. Score, again!

When I was waiting in line to pay my plastic tote bag of stuff, I greedily examined my treasures. I just paid taxes on June 15th, so prudence told me I needed to put something away. I weighed my options. How many T-shirts did I need? How adorable did I look in that top? Won't the chocolate melt before making it to Japan? Didn't that top match my green skirt so well?

I patted my little crocheted top, sighed, and put on the side next the cash register to be reshelved. I waited in line and was almost up to the register when the woman in front of me turned and said "Honey, if you are buying more than 50 dollars worth of stuff, here is a 10% off coupon." In the words of John Lennon, "Instant Karma."

With such good Karma on my side I cannot help but be worried. I can be unapologetically cruel, unforgiving, petty and had just proclaimed to be more bitchy for the summer. And while I normally think events happen as a matter of coincidence and statistics last week made me think. So how does Karma operate? Does the Universe reward good deeds and punish evil ones? Or is it an null sum game where if good things happen then bad things have to happen? I admit it, I am losing sleep over this one. Whoever thought such good things could stress me out?

[Correction: While I first wrote that Filene's Basement would be closing forever, that is incorrect. It is scheduled to reopen in 2009. Thank you, A.]

Overheard today

Concerning a memo that I had drafted between the hours of 9:30 pm and 11:30 pm, continued between 5:30 am and 8:30 am:

"Well, it's not the best work [ET#2's] ever done..."

That means it's not the worst either!

The bitch is back

Since the inception of this blog, the beginning of summer has translated into resolution time. It's not that I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but with the cold weather and dark hours it I find it difficult to stick with them. Summer is a happy time. A good time to start new things.

Most resolutions are based in positives. Things or actions that will make you healthier or wealthier. They are designed to move you foward in your life. I've decided to take a different approach this year. My graduation is starting to become imminent. I have worn out my usefulness in the lab. It is time I get a job. But before that happens, I plan on taking this summer to do things that are perhaps not good for me and to temporarily regain some bad habits.

1) Eat more processed foods, especially those with refined flour.
This Sunday, I had a taste for a grilled cheese sandwhich. Because part of Brookline was closed down for a Flag Day parade, I was forced to go to the grocery store and make my own grilled cheese. Now, I almost never go to the regular grocery store anymore restricting myself to the far more convenient Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. At the grocery store, I purchased Pepperidge Farm White Sandwich Bread, Kraft American Singles, Frosted Flakes, Prince Spaghetti, and 2 tomatoes. All of it is and was delicious. So I am going to take a break from Organic Multigrain bread, Flax seed cereals, and real cheese.

2) Bring the bitchy attitude back at work.
For a while, I was helpful and fairly nice. But with limited time to finish things, I have brought the bitch back. This past week, I have tangoed with operations to fix our temperature in the lab ( so much so that now they have some one coming by every midnight to make sure the temp does not fluctuate more than 5 degrees). Also, yesterday when showing the postdoc (for the third time) how to make gels, I gave him a lecture on focusing on the task at hand and then had him repeat it back to me. The bitch in me though I think is an expression that I care. Letting things go was just an easy way out.

3) Stop killing my plants.
Okay so this one is fairly positive. I do not have a green thumb, but I have vowed that this summer I will not kill the basil plant I just bought. I will also try to grow flowers seeds I got at N's wedding on Saturday.

4) Start buying less books and more clothes/beauty products.
I looked at my amazon shopping list and noticed that I buy a lot of books online. Maybe I should try the library more, but really I think I should be a little more materistic and stop spending my money on something that could make me a better person, and start spending it on something that will make me look like a better person.

5) Petty revenge plots.
That's right. This summer, I will perform a number of petty get-back-at-them schemes to whomever piss me off. I had forgotten how satisfying they are. And I say to heck with Karma. So be aware.....

It's better to ask

BF invited me to a birthday dinner the other day. I had hoped that I would be able to go, since it was at one of my favorite sushi places in the city, but instead I was stuck at a Community Board meeting because our item was last on the agenda.

As an aside, Community Boards never fail to amaze me. I used to wonder why CBs have a purely advisory role. After sitting through CB4's full meeting and watching them deny almost every application that came before them, I sure am glad that they have zero power. While several of the applications were over-reaching, most were perfectly reasonable and a few were actually as-of-right and were only being presented to the CB as a courtesy, so that community members wouldn't wonder "Hey? What's that building going up down the block?".

I understand why the CB denied the guy who had "expanded" his restaurant to include the sidewalk in front of his building and half of his neighbor's back yard, but the guy who wanted to have outdoor seating (5 four-person tables) until 10 pm for his restaurant on Restaurant Row? The CB justified it by saying that it would be too noisy. I don't get it. It wasn't an outdoor bar, it was only 5 tables. Also, you have to understand that just about every other restaurant on the street has seating in the rear yard, and none of them have time restrictions like this guy was willing to submit to... Any way, I felt bad for the guy.

I sat through about 5.5 hours of this before they got to our application -- it was approved (I guess that's why our clients pay us the big bucks). I was tired and hungry and by the time I got home, even Domino's had closed. I was sitting down to a dinner of cereal and about 20 minutes worth of DVRd shows when BF walked in. I asked how dinner was and this is what followed:

BF: It was. . . good.

ET#2: Oh, sorry I missed it.

BF: Actually, it's good that you couldn't make it.

ET#2: Why?

BF: We ordered omakase without looking at the menu.

ET#2: Was it good?

BF: Yeah, but guess how much it was -- there were 4 of us.

ET#2: I don't know, did you have drinks?

BF: No.

ET#2: $200 per person?

BF: No, it was $1,900 total.

ET#2: WHAT???

BF: Umm, yeah. They asked us if we wanted to order it and we said yes without looking at the menu.

ET#2: You guys are dumb. Well, at least now you can stop saying that I made you pay for your most expensive meal ever.

BF: Yeah.

If I had been there, I would have looked at or asked to see a menu.

Kind of wish I had a camera phone

Yesterday, I was talking to my mother. In a quest to be ever more efficient and having recently showered, I put her on speakerphone so I could comb my wet hair. For some reason, this act fascinated her. "Oh, ET#1, you must have a really fancy cellular phone."

(Ummm......This is what my phone would look like if it had color. My parents own/use a Palm Treo 700. Just let that sink in.)

As you might have deduced, my phone lacks the camera phone feature. A fact that I am happy about, I never understood the need to have a camera on your phone. When I was visiting Japan, it made a little more sense. They have integrated all the features so that you take a picture of a bar code like image upload it on the Internet and get some real image back. For example, when we were in Coco Curry House you could take a picture of these squiggly lines, and somehow it uploaded an image of the menu with all the nutritional information on it. And I guess when V went to the Justin Timberlake concert, it was a way to sneak a camera into the stadium. But I have found very little use for one, until yesterday.

After talking with my mother on my fancy phone, I went to go hunt for dinner amongst the many take out joints in Coolidge Corner. As I was walking, I could not help but desperately wanting a camera phone to share with all of you what I saw:

- A very skinny medium height man, holding hands and then subsequently kissing a rather portly woman who was at the very least a head taller than him.

- A little person couple on what must have been a custom made little person tandem bicycle.

- A Porche Carrera with a bike rack on the back.

- A mother holding onto her baby in her arms as she walked. First, it was unusual to see a mother without a Baby Bjorn or HUGE baby carriage. Secondly, her baby was wearing a clear full on helmet and Bill Lambeer-esque face mask.

- Gr, the boy whom I met on the T when picking up numbers for the Run to Remember 3 weeks ago.

Alas, no pics to share. My contract with Verizon ended in March. Maybe I will consider buying a new phone. Probably not.

When worlds collide

When I was in college, my friend Isa, used to tell me that she hated when her worlds collided. She liked have separate circle of friends, who did not know each other well. She liked having her school work not interfere with her volunteer work. Separate worlds kept you sane because each one was like a oasis from the other.

I have never followed this rule, or at least not consciously. But the one place I have drawn a distinct line is between work and everything else. So it is always a little disconcerting when you run into someone from work in a non work setting. However, for the past three weekends, it seems fate has intervened and the line between the two worlds have blurred.

Three weeks ago at N's bacherlorette party, I ran into an assistant professor,Br, in my department. I was in the Improv Asylum with my bucket of beer, when I standing next to me I see his wife. Instead of ignoring her, I said "Hello." This act may have been a mistake as I could see annoyance flash on her face. She did not recognize who I was (even though I have talked to her multiple times) and the only thing she could say is my husband is over there. Well, really I just wanted to say "Hello" and did not have a burning desire to talk to him. After the show was over, and N had been the shining star in a skit, we mulled around waiting for everyone to finish using the restroom. Br, came to talk to me with my candy necklaces and drunk bride-to-be by my side. N gave him a little pat on his tousche. Luckily, for me he did not even flinch. He chatted and showed me a poster that had a picture of his friend on it. And then we talked about science. Yes, I was 3 vodka tonics and 2 beers into the night and I was talking about cellular metabolites.

The next weekend seemed harmless enough. ET#2 and her man came to Boston and we ran a road race. It was a warm day, so by the end of the race I was rather sweat laddened. At the finish line was A, a Russian guy from the proteomics lab downstairs. He was so excited to see me and he gave me a big hug. Two days later, I went down to his lab to borrow a screwdriver. He said "ET#1, I did not know you ran. I was checking your time and it was good. My time did not come on the computer. Why is that?...." We talked for about 15 minutes. I told him that the Champion Chip had to be on his shoes and he could not carry it in his pocket. He told me that this was his and his girlfriend's first road race and they were so excited about it. Now, when I see him in the hallway, I get an extra big smile and wave.

What could possibly happen this past weekend? I spent most of my time at home or in the lab so there was no possibility for a random sighting and yet there was fate intervening again. SS had her first road race on Sunday morning. AC and I went to cheer and entertain her on her run. At the end of the race they were serving hot dogs, hamburgers, and beer. It was nice. They made the race as a little community party. Kids came for the pony rides and bouncy house. Old sweaty Irish men hugged each other and congratulated each other on a good race. I wanted a hot dog even though I did not register for the race. The nice man gave me two, extra charred. I was happy. The three of us were walking back to SS's house with hot dog's and soda in hand. I had put mustard on one and ketchup on the other, so I was alternating bites from either one. And then I heard my name. It was a prof from my department, DW. Yet again some awkward small talk. Luckily for me I was with friends, so cutting the conversation short was not terribly rude.

I understand that Boston is a small city and running into people you know is inevitable, but here is my problem with it: I am terribly vain. Why is it that I have to run into work people when I am incredibly drunk adorned with penises, sweaty and nasty from running, or double fisting and stuffing food in my mouth? Why can't I run into them at the very least when my hair is washed? Sigh. I think Fate is telling me that I need to do a better job of keeping my worlds separate or at the very least start behaving more normaly in public.

mmm.......

It's National Doughnut Day, everyone! Enjoy...